The One Where I Talk About Jesus Camp.

WOW! This post is long over due, I wrote this back in June, and just found it buried in old documents, I thought it was about time this post saw the light of day, and to be honest, its probably my best post.

How do I begin to talk about Solid Rock? I don’t know how this blog post is going to go, I do know that I should be reading or writing but camp is on my mind and I have been pushing off writing this for about three weeks now, and lets be real, I’m already crying thinking of what I’m going to write, so let’s get this over with.

Solid Rock was the greatest experience of my life, and no matter how many status, tweets, posts, photos I share; or how many times I complain on missing it, I can’t stretch enough how much I miss camp, and I can’t put into words how much I do, it’s truly impossible to put into words my love for that place now, it’s incredible how much its changed me. For the people that know me (even a little bit) will know that I hate talking to people, it has never been something I enjoyed doing, it’s hard for me to talk to people, I get awkward quick and its really really hard for me to step out of my comfort zone like I had to do at camp, I remember two weeks before camp being told that I was going, I liked the idea of camp, but as the day got closer I got more nervous and scared, I didn't want to go, I would know some people at camp but I wouldn't REALLY know them, I knew their names and they knew I existed, but we didn't talk, I only knew and was comfortable talking to was my sister, Faith, I also remember complaining to my two closest friends the day before camp (at 2am because I didn't pack sooner, Classic Dayle) about how much I didn't want to go, because I didn't know anyone, and I would be away from everything for a whole week, when I got on the bus the day of camp (June 22^nd) I pulled out my book immediately (Harry Potter and the order of the phoenix) because I didn't want to be forced into small talk, I would put down my book but then put in my headphones and listened to music,  or talk to Faith for a few minutes, as soon as I got to camp I regretted coming and I had a sick feeling in my stomach, I was in the mess hall (Where we ate Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner) to sign in and I remember having that deep horrible feeling in your stomach that you have when you know you shouldn't have done something, I told Faith that I didn't want to be here and she told me I would have fun, I looked around the room at all the people laughing and having fun, and I couldn't do it, I wanted to start crying and run to my cabin, I made up the plan that I would hide in my cabin for as long as I could and read the books I brought, that way I could have fun and not have to make myself uncomfortable, we got up to our cabins and put out stuff away and made our beds, we had lunch in a hour so I read a little bit while Faith yelled at me to go talk to people, when we got to lunch things were weird, I sat with Faith and a bunch of people I didn't know, I remember barely saying three words, the first day didn't hold anything but me complaining that I wanted to go home, but I do remember two things, one was that the worship was amazing, I still hated being there but I adored the worship, and that all my years of going to camp, those 6 years of going, I had never felt as accepted and welcomed as I had this year, and these two campers called Jake Ballasch and Mark Canham are who I can thank for that, yes it’s true that other campers DID talk to me, but Mark and Jake went out of their way to talk to me, and not small talk, but things that they knew would spark interest in me, or simple things like what’s up, but it was said with meaning, I could tell that they actually had interest in my answer, they really helped me feel like I belonged at camp and that I was wanted there too.

On the second morning I woke up with excitement, only 5 more days till I got to go home, I remember telling Faith about the news and a girl in my cabin told me not to celebrate it, which only made me more excited, only 5 more days, I didn't know at the time how quickly those 5 days would pass, I spent the whole day (in the time that we weren't doing anything) reading in my cabin, and when I got too hot I would go to this small obstacle course where no one usually was and read, at meals I said very little and I followed Faith around like a lost puppy, and I would quietly hide behind her when she was talking to people, I missed my house and my family, I still didn't want to be at camp no matter how good the worship was.

Tuesday morning was a blur of not wanting to be there, reading, and trying to memorize our daily verses.

I hated the first three and a half days at camp, if you ask anyone I talked to that week they will tell you how annoying I was about it, I didn't talk with anyone but Faith, but at least on Wednesday I sat by the beach and read, but I still didn't have the courage to get out there and talk to anyone, I was having a struggle with loving but also hating this little bubble I had put myself in, by that day I wanted to go out at talk to a certain number of people, I had written a list of the things I had wanted to do before camp ended, but I just couldn't, I didn't have the strength to put myself out there, that night I was forced into talking with a group of people that I had been wanting to talk to, but never got the courage to before, all because I couldn't find Faith so I sat down at a empty table, people sat down at it after I was already sitting there and I remember for the first time having that feeling of sadness, knowing that I was going to miss camp, and I now knew it, but it filled me with happiness, I felt…outgoing, like I wanted to talk to everyone I met, I was jumping around the camp filled with pure bliss, that was also the day where I willing came out of my comfort zone and talked to people willingly, I sat by the gym with two campers that I had been wanting to know more, one of them being in my cabin, and we talked and laughed, it was perfect.

Thursday was the same, I couldn't bring myself to talk to many people until the sun had set, and once it did I was talking to people I didn't think I ever would, it was the last night game we would play at camp so I did what you would think I would, I sat by the archery shack and talked with a group of people, it was the best time at camp, I laughed so hard I had nearly fallen over multiple times, I can’t put into words what we talked about and why it was so perfect, but take my word for it; because it was, right before the game ended I decided to play the last round, (you had a ribbon and you ran with your team up this small hill to the other side, without losing your ribbon or getting tagged by a leaders which were running toward you) for the last round all four teams ran up the hill at once and it was exhilarating, I felt like I belonged (once again) and I looked around at all the people that I ran with and I felt like we had this connection thing, that even though we hadn’t all talked with each other, we had grown with each other this week, and I had never felt so at home.

Friday was the worst/best day, because it had hit me how much I had wasted this week, mostly the first 3 days, but I could see the change in me, I felt like I could go up to any person at camp and just start talking with them, I was comfortable, I had stepped out of my comfort zone and had made a new one, a bigger one, I had stayed out of my comfort zone until it was comfortable, but the worst part was that I had waited this long to do it, the day went by fast, I spent my free time playing in the chess tournament, (Thank you so much Catherine for telling me to join, besides Thursday that was the best time I had at camp)

I enjoyed it so much, I got to know the people I faced and I even came out in 3^rd place! The only downside was I was late for getting ready for banquet because I had to finish the games of chess, but playing the games actually was so much fun, I really had fun talking to the people I faced (Thanks Sarina, Rachael, Melissa, Steven, and Nathan)

Banquet was a blast, and though I didn't talk to many people, I felt different.

But the best part about that day was the camp fire, I remember sitting around the fire, by myself curled up in a blanket, but looking around at everyone talking and just soaking in the vibe, I was alone, but not like I had been the first few days, I was somehow connected with everyone, and no words had to be spoken with anyone to enjoy the moment. And then the music stopped, and we had some time to share what we learned, everyone was quiet, and if you felt led to, you could stand up and say what you learned this week, I remember quietly listening to everyone’s stories and smiling, I didn't dare stand up though, I had grown and learned a lot, I had been brought out of my comfort zone, but not that much, no, I was not ready to stand up in front of a couple hundred kids and talk, but as I listened to everyone speak, and quietly sat in the silence, I had a tug at my heart, telling me to stand up, and during the silence, I quickly went over in my head what I would say if I were to stand up, and I remember sitting there, staring into the fire, having this extremely long silence, and standing up, my hands shaking at my sides, and speaking up, telling the whole camp what a difference it had been on my life, saying that pre-camp Dayle, would never in a million years, stand up and talk right now, but the words came out like butter, and I was able to speak without a problem, I remember the round of applause at the end, and the flutter of my heart with a slight bang, knowing this was it, the last night.

I remember crying half the ride home, missing camp, tears sliding down my cheeks as I tried to read to get my mind out of what I was leaving. Camp made such a difference on me, and I can’t express how thankful I am for it.